Like a lot of people, I sometimes wonder about the arc of my life.
I'm now in the final stretch before turning 50, and I sense that the din of daily life is beginning to subside just a bit. Guess what? I've lived more than half my years. As nephews and nieces grow up and begin lives of their own, I'm now starting to get maybe just a hint of the quietness and solitude of future old age.
Increasingly, my own future will be the result of past decisions I've made and attitudes I've held for lo these many years. Right? And the world will keep turning, and you won't necessarily be involved or even approve. And at some point, grace is the ability to accept all that and come to terms with it. Right?
But, on the other hand, there's Scrooge. You know -- the old Christmas-hating miser in 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens. My whole life, I've always been drawn to this story, especially because of the emotional payoff at the ending. I always responded to how even old Scrooge could find it within himself to change his ways, and just decide to help so many people and create such happiness after all.
As the years have rolled by, I've had a growing sense of how my response to that ending might be increasingly a kind of wish fulfillment that might apply to me personally. Hey, if Scrooge could undergo a miraculous transformation, then I might be capable of that, too! It's not too late. Anything can happen! Life is full of possibilities!
Ah, but then I've recently begun to wonder about one aspect of Dickens' tale that troubles me. Scrooge has money. Lots of it. And would the reaction to his transformation be quite so positive if he wasn't loaded with dough?
Think about that. Would everyone be so happy about old Uncle Ebenezer if, instead of owning the counting house, that he'd had Tom Cratchit's job instead? A lowly clerk with a clerk's salary, weighed down by a hardened heart and a chronically bad attitude toward his fellow man? What would happen if he was miraculously transformed?
Well, the few people in his life would be far less impressed, I think, because what would he have to really offer them? For many people, sudden good cheer would be a cause for suspicion. In fact, in my experience, it's unwelcome, especially in the face of dire circumstances. It would be looked at as yet another burden: geez, now he's manic-depressive! And by the way, why should we believe anything about this sudden transformation when you've proven again and again over the years that you'll let us all down. How can we trust you? And now, given this behavior, we have reason to trust you even less.
What a difference a bag of money makes. And even though I've just starting thinking about this aspect of the Scrooge tale, I think I've sensed it all along. Why? Well, for one thing, I've always been uncomfortable in any situation where I'm not earning at least some money. This unconscious awareness is perhaps at the root of my middle-class existence.
In terms of Scrooge, it would be fun to re-imagine that story, in the same way I'm re-imagining 'It's a Wonderful Life' for my first novel. We'll see. Meanwhile, I'll wait awhile longer for my own miraculous transformation. I just hope it's not on a weeknight, because I need to a full night's sleep or I'm grouchy all day.
